So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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