my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
