I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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