What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
