If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
