I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
