i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
