I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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