My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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