Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
