I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
