I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I cut my penus on the lid.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
