Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
