Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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