life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
