I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize