Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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