god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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