hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize