We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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