All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
