My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
