Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
