god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
