He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
