her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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