cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
