I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
