She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
