How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
