So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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