Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
