Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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