I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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