I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
