Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
