omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
