So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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