I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
