Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
