Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
