Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
