i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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