what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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