I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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