Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
