So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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