all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
