Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize