well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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