I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
