don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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