i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
