so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
