She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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