Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
