Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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