i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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