my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
