Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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