I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
