I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
