I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
